Friday, March 16, 2012

Flower Girl


When I was a child, I'd always marvel at why my grandparents were always chosen as godparents on weddings.  On school months, they have a wedding to attend to on weekends.  On summer months, they have a wedding or two or three to attend to every week.  And occasionally, I am "hired" to be flower girl. (I wish I knew what "talent fee" was back then).  But I never liked to be flower girl because my Grandmother would make me wear itchy dresses -- frills, puffs, laces, underlinings, tiers, layers, glitter during the day; stockings, shoes, and VERY BIG ribbon in my hair.    And I also always wear closed baby doll shoes.  I have never worn a simple cotton dress and open-toed sandals as a flower girl.  I also developed a fear of walking on my own on a long aisle while everybody's looking at me.  It's so scary -- I felt like I was judged on whether I was a "good," or "cute" flower girl.  I never managed to smile because I felt like crying everytime. It felt so lonely being a flower girl.  And I hated sitting down through the length of the wedding ceremony.  But I never refused to be flower girl. My Grandmother would kusi me. :P